Fullmetal Twilight Commentary
by Suckyficcommentary
Summary: Oneshot (THANK GOD.) Shoot me. Please. Shoot me.


**So I just recently discovered that the infamous author of My Immortal wrote a one-shot back in 2012... which was a crossover between Twilight and Fullmetal Alchemist (which I have actually recently gotten obsessed with) and I had two major thoughts about it.**

 **Thought number one: WHY MUST TARA TRY TO RUIN EVERYTHING! IS IT NOT ENOUGH THAT SHE TOTALLY DESTROYED THE HARRY POTTER UNIVERSE IN MY IMMORTAL, IT ISN'T ENOUGH THAT SHE MAKES REFERENCES TO LINKIN PARK, MY FAVORITE BAND OF ALL TIME, IN SAID SHITTY FIC, BUT NOW SHE HAS TO WRITE ANOTHER SHITTY FIC THAT INCLUDES FMA?**

 **Thought number two: I'm going to write a commentary on this. I really am.**

 **So, here I am, preparing myself for a Tara-bashing marathon, starting with this couple-hundred-word piece of garbage and ending with updating my MI commentary all the way up to chapter 33 (in which I'll be three quarters of the way through!) Without further ado, let's begin.**

 **Warnings: In the following fanfic, you will find awful grammar, absolutely shitty spelling, OOCness, and Bella Swan being so utterly stupid that it makes you want to hit your head on your desk until you give yourself a concussion. Thankfully, this fic is short (shorter than Ed, and that's saying a lot), and hopefully my commentary will actually make it worthwhile (or at least somewhat bearable).**

AN: i decidded 2 rite a 1shot bcuz some1 on tumblr **Tara has a Tumblr? Nice to know.** requesstede dis story if u hav any requestz ask ma on tumblr or pm me k **Ooh, I have a request... my request is for you to enroll in an English class for the illiterate, then send yourself to Basic Story Writing 101, or something like that, where they'll teach you how to write a story actually worth reading. And the last part of my request is to actually read/watch the material that you're writing fanfiction for.**

PREPZ DUNT FLAEM!1!1!1!1 **Too late.**

"oms **... At first, I was confused as to why she put "OMS," and what she was referring to, but then I remembered that it was Tara who wrote this, so she almost certainly meant, "Oh My Satan." To which I must say... *clears throat and gets ready for a rant worthy of Ed himself* EDWARD ELRIC IS AN ATHEIST, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!** whoo r u" Edward sed **"Sed" is actually Spanish for thirsty... So I guess Ed's really thirsty for some reason...**

"im eddward cullenn" edwrad sed **So is Twilight Edward. Why is everyone so thirsty all of a sudden?**

"o kool im erward alrik" **You know, way before I knew about FMA, I heard Ed's name mentioned (when my sister told me that one of her friends was dressing up as him for Halloween) and somehow I thought it was pronounced the way Tara just spelled it... Of course, now I know better, but still...**

"woha dats kool" **What's cool? The fact that you share the same first name? Because that is actually not that big a deal- considering how many people are in the world, it's almost impossible for you to be the only person with your name...**

"ikr" **Apparently Ed speaks text talk now.**

bella smelled at edaward **Does he smell good?** "hey sexy"

"dewd **Somehow I can't imagine Edward Cullen, of all people, using the word "dude." But then, considering his old-timey manners and stuff, it kind of makes sense.** im ur bf not him" edwarrrd sed

"oms **Apparently Bella is also a Satanist...** im soooo sory u 2 look like exactly da saem" bella expunded **You're joking, right? There is almost nothing similar between them, save for a name, eye color, and the fact that they were born around the year 1900. And in the case of eye color, it's not always the case, since in Twilight, a vampire's eyes turn black when they're thirsty. And Edward Cullen's eye color is only due to him being a vampire: his natural human eye color was green. Ed's eye color is the one he was born with.**

"its ok sweey" edward said

"don't hit on ma gf u fukin alchemisist" Eedward said **If this were Edward ELRIC saying this, I might be able to say that this was somewhat in-character...**

"im sory i thought i was u cuz we look so much alikee" edward saed ***Facepalm* So, apparently, the stupidity in this fic is contagious. After all, how else would someone who was labeled as a fucking GENIUS think he was someone else simply because he (not at all) looks like them?**

"orite" edwaerd said back

"i hav an idea letz all go out 2gether" bella saidd " **And shoot ourselves dead, and hopefully wake up to find that this was all a horrid nightmare...**

"yeah kool" dey all ejaculated **... Can anyone explain to me how "all of them," which I'm assuming Bella is included in this, are able to ejaculate? I mean, for the two Edwards, it makes sense, but I'm pretty sure you need a penis to ejaculate, and maybe I'm mistaken, but I'm pretty sure Bella doesn't have one...**

dey went 2 a bar **Because alcohol always solves all your problems, right?**

"i want a beer"

"ok" **Let's pretend that all of them are supposed to be (at least physically) under 21, and that one of them can't even handle drinking anything, as he is undead, which means his digestive system doesn't work, which means he'd just vomit it up later...**

when dey went home, edwward **Which Edward?** nd bella sarted making out in da back seat. Edward didn't mind eddward making out wit his girlfriend **Ed is probably just so drunk that he might have somehow thought she was Winry...** becaus dey looked liek each odder **One is pale and sparkly, with fairly short and messy bronze hair, who wears clothes that just scream money, and the other is somewhat tan, vertically challenged, with long blonde hair (usually braided), who wears a red coat with a black outfit and elevator boots, who also happens to have not one but TWO mechanical limbs... Tell me, Tara, does that sound AT ALL like they look like each other to you?** and had da same name so it wasnt really cheeting. **Well, there you go, ladies and gentlemen. If the guy your girlfriend is cheating on you with shares a name with you, and shares at least one physical trait, then it's not really cheating.**

when dey woke up da next mornin bella asked if dey both wanted 2 go out wit her bcuz den shed have "twoo edwardss 2 do sex and romancnce with." **But FMA Edward turned her down, 'cause he already has a girlfriend who will not only give him all that sweet lovin' that you're offering him, but also be able to fix up his automail for him... and anyway, unlike Twilight Edward, who likes brunettes, Ed has much more of a preference for blondes...**

dey agree **... I like my version better.**

 **Looking this over, I can't help but notice how much of my commentary there is in comparison to the actual fanfic. My commentary is like, five times as many words as Tara's piece of shit. I just have a lot to say...**

 **At least it's over now. I'm going to go forget I ever read this, now.**


End file.
